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sex als belohnung

Dieses Thema im Forum "Liebe & Sex Umfragen" wurde erstellt von vegeta, 2 Februar 2005.

  1. vegeta
    vegeta (36)
    Verbringt hier viel Zeit
    folgenden text stammt aus einem beziehungsforum aus england wo anhand des folgenden fallbeispiels die frage nach der sichtweise von männern und frauen hinsichtlich des sex gestallt wurde.
    intimität für männer = sex
    intimität für frauen= schmusen umarmen küssen sex usw

    Women and Sex?
    Let me give you some background first.
    I am a 30 year old male. I have failed at marriage twice and have with no children by choice.
    I was first married at 19 to a 21 year old woman I meet in college. She was everything I though I wanted in a woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, and most of all passionate. We had, before marriage, had sex on average once a day. Sometimes, when we were both feeling particularly spry, we might have sex as often as four times in a day. After one year of marriage things had changed considerably. We had sex maybe as often as once a month and sometimes not that often. Our marriage had many problems, and I am not trying to say that her unwillingness and my perhaps over-willingness to have sex were the only factors, but it most certainly WAS an important factor.

    I was married again by the age of 25 to a 27 year old woman I had known since I was in junior high, a childhood friend. This time I was determined to do it right so I took every precaution I could think of to make sure she was THE one. We dated continually for over 4 years and she lived with me for almost 2 of those years. During this time we seemed to have almost perfect compatibility both mentally and physically so I married her happily. The first years were great, but before long familiar patterns began to appear. Now about 2 or so years into our marriage she began to behave the same way my first wife had. She treated sex as though it were some kind of treat given for good behavior. If I mowed the lawn, took out the trash and did everything she told me like a good little dog she would give me a treat when it was time for bed. I hated it. Even on the rare occasions that she decided I was worthy of a little treat, she didn’t even try anymore. She once said something to the effect of “are you going to make this take all night” without even thinking how comments like that would make me feel. So I did everything I could think of to bring the spice back into the relationship. I worked out like crazy and lost some weight and gained some muscle until I had the same muscular build I had playing football in college. I bought sex toys and tried new and exotic things. I talked to her about what her needs where and what I could do to meet them. I even tried to get ideas from books and the internet. I did that so she would want to be with me in bed. But alas it made little difference. Sex was her cruelest method of control and she would ever cede that control. Before long we were talking the each others lawyers.

    Now in neither of these failed marriages was sex the only issue but in both it was a contributing factor. I thought perhaps I had an unfortunate run of luck. I began talking to my closest male friends only to discover that I was far from alone. In fact, of all the male friends that I consulted only two told me that they were fully satisfied with the sexual relationships with their spouses. And even those two who pledged satisfaction seemed forced and suspect. One common thread that we all shared was that our wives tended to use sex as some sort of reward or worse yet, as some sort of marital obligation. Like a good soldier doing their duty for god and country and marriage.

    So I went to my first ex-wife, to whom I am very close to this very day, and asked her about our past sexual relationship. I asked her why she didn’t want to be with me, and I told her that I valued honesty above my own pride or anything else. Her reply was so predictable I almost laughed aloud. She said (in so many words) that sex had lost its passion and romance!

    Now, to a man passion and romance mean one thing and clearly to a woman it means something else. To a man (or this man at least) sex IS passion, and to a woman it seems sex is the culmination of passion. So please tell me. What IS passion? Is passion what we can buy you? Is passion what we say to you? Is passion where we can take you? Is passion how we look or how we behave? Or is passion such a relative thing that it changes from one moment to the next, a fluid concept changing in relation to all human factors? Is passion such an intangible paradigm that it could never be defined? If that is so, how can we ever hope to keep passion and romance in the relationships? Are monogamy and contentment mutually exclusive paradigms?
    vegeta, 2 Februar 2005
  2. BeeInLuv
    BeeInLuv (38)
    Verbringt hier viel Zeit
    Ääähm, ich hatte zwar Englisch-Lk und verstehe die Sprache ganz gut, vor allem lesend, aber dennoch ist es mir ehrlich gesagt zu mühselig, jetzt den ganzen Thread durchzulesen mit meinem Lexikon nebendran... ich warte einfach bis das andere getan haben und antworte dann... hihi... geniaaal... :grin:
    BeeInLuv, 2 Februar 2005
  3. Speedy5530
    Verbringt hier viel Zeit
    nicht angegeben
    *lol*..du weißt dann aber immer noch nicht was in dem text steht..

    @thread: leider kann ich nix zu dem text sagen, weil ich ihn einfach nicht verstehe...
    aber dazu..

    "intimität für männer = sex
    intimität für frauen= schmusen umarmen küssen sex usw"...

    fällt mir was ein:

    das kann man nicht pauschalieren...es gibt genug frauen, die so denken wie die männer und umgekehrt...
    Speedy5530, 2 Februar 2005
  4. waschbär2
    Beiträge füllen Bücher
    vergeben und glücklich
    Obwohl ich fremdsprachlich begabt bin, wie ein Apfel, ich hab es verstanden.

    Und die Antwort ist: Ja und Nein.
    Es gibt keine allgemeingültige Antwort. Da kann ich Speedy nur zustimmen.
    waschbär2, 2 Februar 2005

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