Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys wins. Hinduism - We keep playing with the same toys until we learn our lessons. Judaism - He who buys his toys at the lowest price wins. Asceticism - He who denies himself the most toys wins. Islam - You'd better play with our toys, or we'll blow yours up. Episcopalianism - He who plays with his toys in the best country club wins. Roman Catholicism - The toys were ours first. Greek Orthodox - No, they were ours first. Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys wins. Atheism - There is no toy maker. Polytheism - There are many toy makers. Darwinism - The toys evolved from lower toy forms. Christian Science - Toys are just figments of your imagination. Deal with it. Humanism - We are the toy makers. Pantheism - The toy makers are the toys, and the toys are the toy makers. Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours. Bahá'í - All toys and toy makers are just fine with us. Methodism - Would you like some nice milk and cookies with those toys? Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin! Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck. Presbyterianism - All of these toys were planned ahead of time. Voodoo - Hey, let me borrow that doll for a second . . . Hedonism - Forget the rule book -- let’s play! 7th Day Adventism - He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses. Church of Christ - He whose toys make music loses. Baptist - Once played with, always played with. Lutheranism - We nailed some old toys to a church door once . . . Jehovah’s Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door wins. Pentecostalism - He whose toys can speak in tongues wins. Existentialism - All toys are desperately alone in the universe. Confucianism - Be sure to honor the older toys first. Agnosticism - We can't know if there's a toy maker or not. Buddhism - Toys just cause suffering. Learn to avoid them. Hare Krishna - He who gives away the most toys at airports wins. Mormonism - Every boy may have as many toys as he wants. Mormon Fundamentalism - Female toys under the age of fourteen are best. Reorganized LDS - Community of Christ - Only toys passed from father to son are real. Ex-Mormonism - Who needs toys anyway?